Last Tuesday, Michael and I were interviewed on the radio – The Coaching Show.  We introduced a cutting-edge technique we’ve been developing to executive coaches.  The interview was so much fun.  After I got off the phone, I realized I was glowing. 

Here’s what our interviewers said:

“It’s really universal.  You’re saying your Exciting Strengths that you find in one area of your life, like your chocolate, can then be extrapolated to all areas of life, and we can use them in really any project or goal we’ve created.”
-Christopher McAuliffe

“It’s just brilliant.  And actually just generates an energy and a power that hasn’t been as accessible to me recently.  So, thanks!  In-the-moment, it’s something I can provide as a gift.”
-Jodi Jan Shafer Larson, MCC

Listen to the broadcast:  Alex Linsker and Michael Weitz interviewed on The Coaching Show

I’m often asked, “Why is this store so messy?” 

Yesterday I gave a tour in the basement of a Duane Reade, in the cosmetics section, and was asked, “Why is this display rack so messy?”  Products were missing from slots.  Eyeliner pencils ran together, barely indistinguishable by price or color.  Price tags were askew.

Why’s this store so messy?  Lemme step back for a moment and ask you, have you ever lived with anyone else?

Maybe you’ve lived with housemates, or roommates, or family.  Maybe there was a time when the apartment started out clean, but gradually things got messier and messier?

Now’s a tough question: “Who lives in the store, 40 hours a week, most of their daylight hours?”  Answer: The people who work there.

Now’s another tough question: ”Why’s it so messy?”

Basically, the answer is called “self-governance,” or lack of it.  One of my core beliefs is, usually when people are messing up the public space, there’s something messed up in the relationship between the people.  Call it miscommunication if you want, but that’s avoiding the bigger picture.

Self-governance is leaving strategic planning to the people it most affects.  Let the people affected by the rules, make the rules.  A great facilitator can help.

What do people want, and how do they get it?  I promise you, they can figure it out.  Would you have wanted your landlord telling you and your roommates how to keep a clean apartment? 

So: messy store.  Products are missing from the display rack and haven’t been reshelved.  Tags are hanging off the racks.  What can you do?  You can cast blame on people for not doing what they’re “supposed to.”  You can shrug, “Well what can you do.”  Or, you can start to say what you want to do about the relationships people have with each other, and help everyone else say what they want, too.  Even better, you can start to take action.  If you could personally make one change to the store, what would it be?  Then do it.

Instead of focusing on the layout of the store’s display rack, focus on the layout of the store’s relationships.  You’ll be surprised.  I always am.

There are lots of models for self-governance.  The simplest one might be living with housemates.  The next step up from that might be organizing a block party on your street.  How can people who work together, have relationships more like roommates you know who keep their apartment or street in great condition?  I promise you, both models are 100% applicable to cleaning up the mess, living better, and start feeling like it’s a party.

1) Feet.  The direction your feet are pointing in is super-important.  Feet are a subconscious pointer of where your attention is going.  Feet towards someone?  They’re much more likely to feel you’re paying attention to them.  Feet away from someone?  You can focus on them a lot more and they’re much less likely to notice.

2) Heads.  Whenever you need to stare at someone to capture their eye or lip movements, they’re much much less likely to notice you if someone is standing between you.  It’s a human/animal thing.  Even better, get the person between you’s head between your head and the head of the person you’re watching.  Even better, get in a conversation with the person between you.  At least, it helps to have an object like a shelf or a tree between your direct line of vision.  Don’t stand TOO close to the shelf or tree or other person or it’s creepy.  Gosh.  Oh, and interesting exception: you can walk up right next to the person and since you’re super-close with your feet in another direction, they’re unlikely to notice you as observing them.  Have a dual motive — something else you’re also paying attention to, as a reason for being so close.  It’s a psychology thing.

3) Eyes.  There’s usually no need to stare.  A roving gaze, taking in a good view of whatever’s in front of you, usually does the trick.  Unless you stand like Secret Service, no one’s likely to notice.

Bonus tip: Fixed-point.  I was once taught a style of negotiation where you focus on a fixed point on the table in front of you and don’t look at anyone.  Funny thing is, by absorbing in this way, I became far better at channeling everyone’s emotions and the dynamic in the room than usual, and was better at predicting the subtleties between my negotiation partners and the opposite team.  We discussed everything at the end.

[Credits: Feet - Thanks to Mrs. Williams who taught me psychology at Horace Greeley High School.  Fixed-point - thanks to Prof. Seth Freeman and his excellent MBA negotiation class at NYU’s Stern School of Business ]

You might be thinking, “That puts a lot of pressure on my resources to clean up their act!”  Ooh-bah.

Instead, I hope you’re thinking, “I’ll need to start treating people like talent!” 

[Inspired by Seth Godin’s great blog post, “Marketing HR“]