Which one are you drawn to?
Tuesday, February 5th, 2008
Which one are you drawn to?
These are models of ways we make decisions. Most people have a model they’re attracted to or feel best around. And most people have another model which represents when they feel stepped on, their dark side.
I’m drawn to the model of the overlapping circles. I like to make decisions by consensus. My dark side is the rules-and-roles, command-and-control pyramid.
Models can be combined like DNA. Every time a decision is made, it’s made with one of these models.
Here’s how some folks named these diagrams:
“I intuited the other three drawings, but wasn’t quite sure what that last one was. So I was attracted to what I did not know, which I guess turned out to be a thread of myself, maybe the thread that all the beads are strung on.”
”I’m drawn to this one. This is ‘rules.’ I’m training to be a lawyer.”
“This one speaks to me, because everything is inside it. This is space — the Earth, the stars, they contain everything. These others… [pointing at the other models] This [bottom-right] is fucking yes/no, yes or no. This [pointing top-left] is mechanical — a wheel. This [draws a fourth circle over the overlapping circles top-right] is an embryo.”
“This is me, with overlapping consensus, a Venn diagram of democracy. [pointing to the others] This [top-left] is an oligarchy, a meritocracy, chairs-in-a-circle, following the in-group, ethics. This [bottom-left] is anarchy, chaos, individualism. This [bottom-right] is totalitarian, typical corporate or old-school royalty structure, hierarchy, ancestry.”
I interview a lot of people to help them tell stories about what they want at work. One interesting use for these models is, when someone chooses the overlapping circles, they are great at naming three actions they’re great at and also excite them. But when someone chooses the pyramid, they want to start by talking about one thing. Then they’ll spread out from there, naming the VP’s to their CEO. The space model will want to focus on one thing at a time, and jump around. The circle-of-chairs model will want to start with one thing, then go around the circle to the others, one by one. Order doesn’t matter so much with the circle of chairs.
Lately I’ve used these models to see and avoid disagreements. Maybe you even disagree with one of the descriptions above.
My desire to find ‘overlapping circles’ in everything, when I pull too hard, can tangle up the ‘thread-of-beads.’ The beads are meant to be touched one at a time, not pulled together into a pretzel from three corners as I would do. When I try to bring all the points in a conversation together, that can frustrate the ’space’ model. With my central gravity, I would try to pull all the stars together, which would collapse into a bottomless black hole. With the ‘command-and-control’ model, I would mesh up the order, which would leave the command-and-control turning in circles, wondering where the next decision would come from.
Likewise (using different metaphors here), when the ‘circle-of-chairs’ tries to get me in their circle, I can feel trapped and confined. When ‘anarchy’ tries to get me to focus on one point at a time, jumping around, never finding common ground, I can feel as if pricks of needles are pushing into my skin, each a separate point with no overlap. When ‘ancestry’ tries to get me to stay in my place, I can feel boxed in and separated from the other branches of the tree.
Instead of conforming other people to my model, or needing to agree with theirs, I’ve started showing them this diagram. “This is our real difference,” I say. Then, we visually see why we are disagreeing, and we realize we can each stay in our own model. We can both have our own way.
Think of someone you’ve disagreed with. Which is their model? Which is yours? Draw what you’re trying to do to their model, or they’re trying to do with yours.
For a great party trick, draw the models on a napkin. Ask, “Which one are you drawn to?”
Each of these ways of decision-making has its side effects. Most people who choose the circle-of-chairs tend to frequently wish they were “better” at something, or “a better person.” Most people who choose the anarchy model tend to have a hard time sticking with one thing for very long. Most people who choose the rules-pyramid model tend to notice they sometimes rebel against or sabotage themselves. Most people who choose the overlapping circles model tend to spend a lot of time reaching consensus within themselves.
As long as you feel attracted to your model, each of these side-effects is okay for you. I used to worry because I heard some management consultants and bosses say that I should fire people who disagreed with me. But that’s not my style. My style is to get consensus. That’s what’s great for me. Seeing my style has helped me be okay with being myself.
[Special thanks to Karen Dunlap for phrasing the question, “Which one are you drawn to?” Thanks to Michael Weitz for questioning my core assumptions, Jennifer Burch for the "thread of beads" and Heiko for the “space” images. Thanks to many other people for their questions, suggestions and interpretations, including: Jeffrey Warren, Stephen Lee, Matt Cooperrider, Kirk Reardon, Sanford Dickert, Zohar Adner, Robert Sosinski, and my father and brother.]
Please feel free to copy and paste the diagram at the top of the page onto your own website. I’ll appreciate your linking back to this website.]
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