On Wednesday I did a customized store safari, part of a retail makeover, in Union Square, asking people, ”What do you think about the internet?”  The goal was to discover themes of what people want from the internet, and what they associate with the internet.

The man in this video has never used the internet.

My goal in this session was to focus on people’s underlying excitements, frustrations and confusions.  One thing I found was that the first 10 people I interviewed associate the internet with “research” and/or “connection.” 

To know why people do or don’t use the internet, you can instead ask why people do or don’t do research or connection.  Sure, there may be other big themes, but I haven’t found them yet.

What people say, and why, is a starting place for my client to know what people think, to write text and put pictures onto a single page of paper.  It helps me and him describe his service by telling people the truth about how they’ll get what they want from his product.  Next, I’ll take that paper around and ask people for their advice on how to improve it.

Which people?  In this safari, I talked to anyone and everyone.  The goal was to find out what New Yorkers want and think about the internet.

“My wife wants to have a kid,” he says, “but I don’t want kids.  I don’t have anything to offer a kid.  I don’t have much money.  I don’t have a job.  I’m unemployed.”
 
We’re sitting on a park bench in Union Square.  This guy is slumped over, his slack-jawed gaze going back to the last century.  

“Okay,” I say.  “What’s something in life that makes you go wow?”
 
“Music.”  He smiles a little, sits up straighter.

“And what’s important to you about music?”
 
“I play guitar real good.  I love that.  And I like singing, I do that real well.”

A flash of light — with energetic surprise, his eyes open wider, he relaxes — suddenly comes over his face.
 
“I could teach my kid to play guitar and sing.  I’m a good teacher, I could teach her lots of stuff.  And I’d take care of her real good.”

He turns and looks at his wife sitting at the other end of the bench.  He doesn’t say anything to her, yet.
 
He turns back and says to me softly, “Yeah.  I’d like to have a kid.” 

When people focus on actions they’re great at which also excite them, they discover their own ways to approach the world.

Last night, Michael and I were interviewed on “Sex, Love and Relationships,” a call-in show which airs across Indianapolis on WIBC 93.1 FM.

You can download and play the MP3 file here.  The clip takes a full minute to load and start.

The interview is 25 minutes.  We talked about Flash of the Blindingly Obvious and Exciting Strengths, two related techniques we’ve developed.

The previous post is a written version of Flash of the Blindingly Obvious.

Which one are you drawn to?

These are models of ways we make decisions.  Most people have a model they’re attracted to or feel best around.  And most people have another model which represents when they feel stepped on, their dark side. 

I’m drawn to the model of the overlapping circles.  I like to make decisions by consensus.  My dark side is the rules-and-roles, command-and-control pyramid.

Models can be combined like DNA.  Every time a decision is made, it’s made with one of these models.

Here’s how some folks named these diagrams:

“I intuited the other three drawings, but wasn’t quite sure what that last one was.  So I was attracted to what I did not know, which I guess turned out to be a thread of myself, maybe the thread that all the beads are strung on.”

 ”I’m drawn to this one.  This is ‘rules.’  I’m training to be a lawyer.”

“This one speaks to me, because everything is inside it.  This is space — the Earth, the stars, they contain everything.  These others… [pointing at the other models]  This [bottom-right] is fucking yes/no, yes or no.  This [pointing top-left] is mechanical — a wheel.  This [draws a fourth circle over the overlapping circles top-right] is an embryo.”

“This is me, with overlapping consensus, a Venn diagram of democracy.  [pointing to the others]  This [top-left] is an oligarchy, a meritocracy, chairs-in-a-circle, following the in-group, ethics.  This [bottom-left] is anarchy, chaos, individualism.  This [bottom-right] is totalitarian, typical corporate or old-school royalty structure, hierarchy, ancestry.” 

I interview a lot of people to help them tell stories about what they want at work.  One interesting use for these models is, when someone chooses the overlapping circles, they are great at naming three actions they’re great at and also excite them.  But when someone chooses the pyramid, they want to start by talking about one thing.  Then they’ll spread out from there, naming the VP’s to their CEO.  The space model will want to focus on one thing at a time, and jump around.  The circle-of-chairs model will want to start with one thing, then go around the circle to the others, one by one.  Order doesn’t matter so much with the circle of chairs.

Lately I’ve used these models to see and avoid disagreements.  Maybe you even disagree with one of the descriptions above.

My desire to find ‘overlapping circles’ in everything, when I pull too hard, can tangle up the ‘thread-of-beads.’  The beads are meant to be touched one at a time, not pulled together into a pretzel from three corners as I would do.  When I try to bring all the points in a conversation together, that can frustrate the ’space’ model.  With my central gravity, I would try to pull all the stars together, which would collapse into a bottomless black hole.  With the ‘command-and-control’ model, I would mesh up the order, which would leave the command-and-control turning in circles, wondering where the next decision would come from.

Likewise (using different metaphors here), when the ‘circle-of-chairs’ tries to get me in their circle, I can feel trapped and confined.  When ‘anarchy’ tries to get me to focus on one point at a time, jumping around, never finding common ground, I can feel as if pricks of needles are pushing into my skin, each a separate point with no overlap.  When ‘ancestry’ tries to get me to stay in my place, I can feel boxed in and separated from the other branches of the tree.

Instead of conforming other people to my model, or needing to agree with theirs, I’ve started showing them this diagram.  “This is our real difference,” I say.  Then, we visually see why we are disagreeing, and we realize we can each stay in our own model.  We can both have our own way.

Think of someone you’ve disagreed with.  Which is their model?  Which is yours?  Draw what you’re trying to do to their model, or they’re trying to do with yours.

For a great party trick, draw the models on a napkin.  Ask, “Which one are you drawn to?”

Each of these ways of decision-making has its side effects.  Most people who choose the circle-of-chairs tend to frequently wish they were “better” at something, or “a better person.”  Most people who choose the anarchy model tend to have a hard time sticking with one thing for very long.  Most people who choose the rules-pyramid model tend to notice they sometimes rebel against or sabotage themselves.  Most people who choose the overlapping circles model tend to spend a lot of time reaching consensus within themselves.

As long as you feel attracted to your model, each of these side-effects is okay for you.  I used to worry because I heard some management consultants and bosses say that I should fire people who disagreed with me.  But that’s not my style.  My style is to get consensus.  That’s what’s great for me.  Seeing my style has helped me be okay with being myself.

[Special thanks to Karen Dunlap for phrasing the question, “Which one are you drawn to?”  Thanks to Michael Weitz for questioning my core assumptions, Jennifer Burch for the “thread of beads” and Heiko for the “space” images.  Thanks to many other people for their questions, suggestions and interpretations, including: Jeffrey Warren, Stephen Lee, Matt Cooperrider, Kirk Reardon, Sanford Dickert, Zohar Adner, Robert Sosinski, and my father and brother.]

Please feel free to copy and paste the diagram at the top of the page onto your own website.  I’ll appreciate your linking back to this website.]